Dr Rodgers asked me if she had talked to me yet about the baby's heart......the ultrasound showed a bright white spot on one of the heart valves, called an Echogenic intracardiac foci (EIF). She told me that this white spot was a soft marker for down syndrome and that it increased my odds of having a child with downs from 1 in 1,000 to 1 in 500.
The tears that I tried so hard to hold back came flooding out as she said that she knew that we would not "do anything" about it, but that we could probably still do an amniocentesis to find out for sure. I asked if knowing now would mean there was something we could do to fix it and she said no. I told her that the amnio was not an option for us then...the baby either has it or he doesn't.
I sobbed all the way home. What parent wants to hear that there may be something wrong with their child? I prayed out loud as I drove home, still sobbing, and told God:
"Lord, I know that I can handle having a down syndrome baby; that you would not give me more than I could bear. I love this child and will take him in whatever form you choose to give him to me. I would rather have a normal healthy baby, but if you decide to give me one with downs I will love him just as much."So now what? Now I learn as much as I can about down syndrome...and we pray and wait.