Saturday, June 27, 2009

1 in 500

I had a doctors appointment on Tuesday and was told that I am growing right on schedule. The nurse listened to the baby's heart and his heart rate was around 128, which freaked me out until she told me that anywhere between 120 and 160 was "normal". Whew!

Dr Rodgers asked me if she had talked to me yet about the baby's heart......the ultrasound showed a bright white spot on one of the heart valves, called an Echogenic intracardiac foci (EIF). She told me that this white spot was a soft marker for down syndrome and that it increased my odds of having a child with downs from 1 in 1,000 to 1 in 500.

The tears that I tried so hard to hold back came flooding out as she said that she knew that we would not "do anything" about it, but that we could probably still do an amniocentesis to find out for sure. I asked if knowing now would mean there was something we could do to fix it and she said no. I told her that the amnio was not an option for us then...the baby either has it or he doesn't.

I sobbed all the way home. What parent wants to hear that there may be something wrong with their child? I prayed out loud as I drove home, still sobbing, and told God:
"Lord, I know that I can handle having a down syndrome baby; that you would not give me more than I could bear. I love this child and will take him in whatever form you choose to give him to me. I would rather have a normal healthy baby, but if you decide to give me one with downs I will love him just as much."
So now what? Now I learn as much as I can about down syndrome...and we pray and wait.


Miranda said...

Oh, Amy, I'll be praying for you. I love that you expressed your willingness to take what comes. Just hold on to the other 499!

Sarah said...

*HUG* Amy you have such a good outlook. Keep your eyes on Jesus, and what he has in store for you even if it's not what you planned.
Also, 500 is still a BIG number. Remember it's only ONE in 500!
Will be praying for you! Love you!

Jenney said...

He is so perfectly and wonderfully made. God has amazing plans for this little boy. We will be praying. We had a lot of "scares" with Liam and he came out completely healthy.

Pearcia LaPointe said...

Hey baby buddy. Sorry to hear this pregnancy has brought on some tears. I only know that this baby will bring on some huge smiles and amazing memories. Focus on that. Love to you. If you need to get out and talk over a bagel or something, let me know!

SaraZ said...

dear friend! I am just now catching up on your blog. 1 in 500 is such a small percentage- our God is so much bigger than that! He knows the PERFECT plan He has for you, and will guide you throughout your pregnancy and beyond! Love you- call me if you ever want to talk!

Alyssa said...

Amy, I just wanted to give you a little hope! I have actually known 3 people that were told their baby would have down syndrome and then when they were born, they were perfectly healthy! Our God is so big and I hope you will feel peace as you wait for this wonderful new part of your family!

The most important thing she’d learned over the years was that there was no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one."
~Jill Churchill