Monday, January 13, 2014

I'm not her favorite person right now...and that's okay.

Actually, it's a good thing. She may not think so now, but one day she will understand.
I'm talking about my 10 year old daughter.
My very smart, very talented, super hardworking daughter qualified to represent her class in the school Spelling Bee! She was in it last year and came home with the 1st place trophy.
This year she brought home the permission slip that said she would be participating, had me sign it and took it back to school. Toward the end of Christmas break she told me that she didn't want to do it this year and asked if she could quit. I told her I would think about it and would talk to her Dad.
Last week she came home and said "My teacher needs a note from you that says I can quit the Spelling Bee." I told her that I couldn't do that, for a couple reasons.
1. Its not fair to throw an alternate in with a week to study
 when everyone else has had a month.
2. She signed up for this and she needs to finish it.
Oh man! Did I ever get the silent treatment and some tears, and for a second I thought about breaking. Then I thought about what that would teach her, and I decided to stand my ground.
Today she called me from school asking once more if she could quit and again, I said "No."
She put her teacher on the phone and I explained my decision.
I could hear the smile in her voice and knew that she understood what I was doing.

Dear Brooklyn,


I love you so much and think that you are amazing! You seem so much older than your age and sometimes I forget that you are still a child. A child that I am supposed to mold into a self governed adult. You see, I am not raising a child, but an adult.

Allowing you to quit something that you signed up for just because you "don't feel like doing it anymore" would be doing you a great disservice.

When you are an adult you will have to do many things that you don't feel like doing. Some of them things you signed up for and some that you didn't.

I want you to learn how to finish strong the things you set out to do, as well as how to say "no" to some things. I want you to learn to think things through and to decide if its something you have the time and energy for. I want you to learn what you can handle and how to keep from over-committing.

I know you have not done much studying for this event, and all I can say to that is that I will be there to watch you complete what you started and I love you very much.


 Love, Mom.


Julie said...

Good call! My parents dealt with these situation in the same way and I am grateful for it now that I'm a responsible adult.

Miranda said...

So sweet. Way to go, Mama.

April said...

Way to go momma! She will thank you in the long run.

Unknown said...

Wonderful decision Mom. As parents, we tend to allow our children to give up on things because we hate to see them struggle,forgetting that it is our struggles that molded us into the adults we are today.

I hope your daughter has forgiven you by now, and even if she hasn't, she will grow to understand your decisions later in life and that is what matters the most.

Anonymous said...

I was at that Spelling Bee and was frustrated for the kids because the man who was reading the words has a southern accent, not necessarily a bad thing unless you are calling spelling words for a spelling bee with kids who don't share that accent. One poor kid misspelled the word "thing" which was pronounced "thang". Hmmmph. You are an awesome mom!

The most important thing she’d learned over the years was that there was no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one."
~Jill Churchill